I’m not sure which direction to go at this time.

I was modeling for a sculptor and his artists that typically consisted of three other men and one woman. I am finished modeling for them at this time although He said he would be interested in having me back for the same pose at a later time because he isn’t finished.

The last session was this past Thursday and as I stood posing for the artists they had opera music playing in the background. I began thinking that the woman singing in the opera was angry about the pasta sauce that had been cooked for her at dinner and they had made a Mexican pizza since it was Cinco de Mayo the previous day.

We all spoke about the Immigration law that was passed…I get a little over heated on the topic and kept talking to myself to keep my mouth shut. I did pretty good at following my own instructions.

Well, my brain has come to a stand still and yet I have so much inside to say.

As soon as I lie down in bed it will all come pouring in. It will talk to me in a way that will be perfectly written and I will wish I was sitting here at the computer.

I have a big day of sewing and fixing my sewing machine after my workout in the early hours of day light. I love it this time of the year because it gets light out so early and it’s WARM!!!

I am following God’s instructions to keep myself humble and give Him all of the Glory for everything in my life. All of my talents, beauty, love in my heart and every one of my family members and friends that bless me with their presence. It’s tough some days although I am working at staying in Faith and taking in God’s Grace and Peace…Life is great!

My chilis really love chocolate and so I have indulged in it a bit more than I ever have.

My son has the Culinary Arts in mind for his future. We made a fantastic cake from a recipe book he received for Christmas from his Aunt and Uncle. We have made this cake twice now and it is so fabulous I think I’ll have to share it with you.

Ingredients for the Cake: 1/2 cup butter, 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp vanilla,  2 eggs, 1 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp salt, 1 1/3 cups flour, 1/2 cup milk

Ingredients for the Mousse: 1 cup milk, 3 egg yolks, 1/3 cup sugar, 2 TBLS cornstarch, 1 tsp vanilla, 9 0z white chocolate, 1 1/2 cups heavy cream

2 pints (4 cups) fresh raspberries

White Chocolate Mousse Cake with Raspberries!!!

OMGOSH!!! This is so fantastic. It takes a bit of time and so very worth it!!! HAPPY MOUSSING!!!

I woke up to my clock radio playing music from a station that I tuned into after I lost the feed to NPR. I’m bummer out about not being able to get NPR tuned in anymore. I really enjoyed listening to the top news stories for a few minutes before rejoicing to the Holy Spirit. I read a book “Good morning Holy Spirit” not too long ago and ever since I have been attempting to make it a daily ritual to say good morning to God that way.

NPR radio where are you?

I had a date at 5 AM with Billy and Shelly and the gang on DVD in front of my television in my family room. The day was busy with phone calls and emails taking care of the mess from an order gone wrong and also a new order for some place mats made out of leather. I also had a hair client that took four hours.

Then I was off to pick up my chilis and we cleaned the church for the last time. I will miss the monthly income from this work and at the same time I am excited to see what God has in store for me next to make up for this income. I am believing in faith that He will bless me doubly in a way that I have been dreaming of making money…through my art…through new hair clients…through designing.

We drove home after cleaning the church and I put a quick dinner together for my baby’s and then we were off again to drive to my modeling appointment with the sculptors.

I wasn’t exactly sure how my chilis were going to handle what I do for the artists.

Turns out they were fine with it. They really have nothing to say about it at all. They drew on paper and photographed different pieces of art work in the studio. The owner of the studio and instructor was very gracious to both of them and offered his expertise knowledge of different formats of art work.

There were the 4 male artists there and the woman was absent again.

My daughter was looking for an artist of any type who has had a profound world changing effect on…well, the world. Her only request would be that she would want to be interested in that artist. It is for a class project in history. The owner of the studio gave her several ideas although I don’t think she went with any of his suggestions. I believe she was asking me about Janis Joplin and I thought that is who she ended up choosing. I’m gonna have to ask her.

Over all the introduction to my children as to what it is that I do when I go to an art class went very well.

They fell asleep in the car on the way home…how sweet…

How sweet right? I don’t think it matters how great of an artist one has become, it’s always good to go and learn. Even if only one thing is learned from a class.

The sculptor explains to me his idea of how to go about telling my children what I do. Even showing them, which I have thought about while posing there in his studio this night.

He tells me that I should not be ashamed of what I do (which, I am not). I just thought it would be best if my chili’s didn’t know that I pose nude for art classes. It was difficult for me to explain where I was going in the evenings or when a delicious dessert would appear in the kitchen and I hadn’t made it. I would say a friend made it and usually it would end the conversation. Sometimes thought they wanted to know who and how I know this person. I would say that I know them from an art class.

Since my chili’s are both artful children and my ex can not be trusted to take his children to where they need to be on Thursday night’s during this sculpting session for the next few weeks I made a decision.

I am going to tell them about the class. I am going to have them bring a book, homework and drawing material. They may be absolutely mortified and embarrassed. Who knows???

I started modeling for a sculptor. His place is in an industrial part of town around welders and stripper joints< ironically enough right? That I would be standing nude in a warehouse close to strippers getting paid four times as much money or more than I. LOL!

He is a nice man who is very knowledgeable of classical music, symphonies and the body’s muscular structure.

The space is actually very comfortable even though it is a rough on the inside warehouse with concrete floors covered with carpet remnants that are very worn and clay spotted from drips and spills. The art easels that scatter the floor space are wonderful large old easels and the stands that are used for the sculpting class look like they are made from the base of a music stand and then further they are attached with a heavy concrete base so they are very sturdy. the tops are circular and I think they are plywood.

The area is separated into two rooms so that when walking into the studio you are in the office…kind of. He has a desk and an old phonograph record player and leaned up against the walls are some of the old easels. One the entry wall there is a large collage of famous characters drawn in charcoal maybe and each one is not framed although they have circles drawn around them. They are fabulous and if I knew the names of all of them I would write them. They are very recognizable however.

The stage is centered in the doorway between the two rooms and up against one of the doors so that you walk on the other side to enter into the other area. The other room is littered with sculptors and large half body parts of arms, legs, torso’s, mid sections, heads and then there are all the parts and pieces that a person needs to begin their sculptor. Scrap metal and the large boiler that is used to keep the clay soft enough to work with.

The first evening I modeled it was very interesting and I found myself very distracted and wanting to look and see what they were doing. They were drawing and then drilling and getting scrap pieces of metal rods that looked like coat hangers that had been undone and opened up although these pieces were stronger and more difficult to bend and construct.

They drilled holes into their wood blocks just big enough to stick the wire down into and then this is the beginning structure of their sculptor. Next they begin taking small amounts of the clay and packing the clay onto the wire structure. After rotating 4 turns aver 5 minutes I take a break and I look and see that I have some shape taking place on their wooden blocks.

How cool is that? By the end of the class I am a full person built onto their bases with legs, body, arms and head.

After last weeks session I am taking on some great from. I have to laugh because the only man there that is a black man has given me the so called “booty” and I don’t say what I want to say to him.

Growing up I always got the remark of “Hey E, where did you get that black booty?” My mom and older sister have flat butts. I think at the time my younger sister was too young and we didn’t really know what hers was. It’s like mine now. Nice and round…like dad’s. I don’t have a big butt. It’s just full, you know how everyone who doesn’t have one like mine would like to have implants? I work out a lot remember, so it’s full and tight and goes with my small frame. He also gave me full quads which look like a body builder’s and I’m not built like that.

The instructor said last week that typically each sculptor when first starting out will give the model their own body even though they are looking at the model. Fascinating!

I want and need to come up with life goals again.

Short term, long term, I need to be held accountable to someone too.

Today was just a bad day for me. I feel nothing got done. Then again, what am I supposed to be doing? UUUHHHGGG!!!

There’s so much to write about and I don’t feel like it. I want to go curl up in a ball and start over tomorrow. I wish I could have today as a do over.

I entered some financial receipts into my excel spread sheet. I attempted to make a little leather hand bag and then got stuck on the handles. I cleaned up my garage a little bit more and stored some things in my garage cabinets.I looked up romen shades on the internet. I really know now that making them for my client is not a good idea and that we will both be happier if I order them professionally. My other friend with the same name will have me paint her master bath in Venetian Plaster and find her wood floors on sale. I will get them for her at a great price and tax except. She will pay me an interior designers fee.

I called on a part for a movie this morning. The company wants me to join for $199.00 per year. I am so darned gun shy about scams everywhere that I just am not sure anymore what to do. The lady on the phone said “you have a really great look.” Unfortunately now, I think that they all say that to everyone. I keep asking God what is next for me. What should I be doing? Am I doing it???

I’m modeling, I’m doing hair, I’m cleaning and I have ideas that some I work on others I need supplies to get started and I need money for my mortgage coming up, my car payment and insurance. God is on my side. He always provides everything that I need. I want more than I need so that I can give back.

I modeled for the place where I freeze half to death. Today it wasn’t all that bad although I was still cold. Another newbee was in class today. She is a great drawer. They all are. Everyone in the class is so sweet and nice. They are all very appreciative and thankful to me for being their model.

On my way driving to the job (Just Over Broke) remember…I don’t want a job. I listened to my messages and there was a message from a sculptor here in town. I was referred to him several months ago and I thought I wrote him a letter and sent pictures of myself, with clothes on, although he wasn’t sure. He wants me to be a model for his weekly class that runs anywhere from one to 6 sessions. So It could be a one time gig or it could be for a month or longer. The pay still isn’t all that great although I keep thinking that I’ll meet someone through one of these sessions that will catapult me to a higher level of modeling or some other position in the film industry or catalog modeling. Fitness modeling or even being paid for using my build for some sculptor in front of some exquisite building. Who knows??? I can see something really great happening in my near future.

With the cleaning position at the church coming to an end at the conclusion of this month I feel somethings gotta give. I have positioned myself with so many different avenues to have an income.

SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE!!!

I signed up for another craft fair mid April and I am taking my girlfriends advise and setting up my makeup. I sold a lot of makeup at my garage sale over the last weekend. I was surprised and it was completely unexpected. A very pleasant surprise.

I used some money from the garage sale to purchase two new, very much needed, tires for my car.

I want to make some leather hand bags for the craft fair as well and want to get them started in the next few days.

Well, with the children on spring break everything takes longer and devoting most of my time to my baby’s is what I do…

We begin to chat. He asks if we can go to an IM account on yahoo and chat and I decided that that would be ok. Already this is not like me at all. I have been very, very leery about giving any kind of information out period.

We’re chatting and I can tell this guy has no sense of humor as of yet. The communication is not quite right. I am feeling like I want to go to bed and end the conversation.

He says that he would like to talk to me on the phone and I freaked. I was not prepared and I really didn’t want to. He pressed a little and I said I was having anxiety about it. I said I wasn’t prepared to talk on the phone yet. He said that I would have to send an email to the military site and request to speak to him on the phone.

I don’t feel good about it. I am feeling very unsettled now. My chest is hurting still. It is very tight. I am uncomfortable.

He said that I would need to send the email to the address that he sent me via IM. I was to put my full name and address on it and send in the request with is name on it.

I actually did it. and I was so anxious and unsettled. I think that is my gut telling me something.

So, here I am. I have sent an email with my name and address requesting to talk to someone I really didn’t think I wanted to talk to in the first place. He said it would take a few days for the request to happen so I guess I was thinking that maybe within a few days I’d either follow through or I wouldn’t.

He said they would reply to me and I would follow the instructions on how to finish the request. I read the email. It looked official and at the end they were asking me to pay $350. The $350 would be refunded to me by the military man I wanted to talk to.

Hmmm…

I went back to the IM and told him I had sent in the request and I had the reply that I was reading. I told him I was unsure if they wanted $3.50 or $350. He said they wanted $350.00.

I told him I didn’t have it. He asked when I would have it and I said I would have it when I began to make $20k a month.

He replied back “I see” I told him that I wasn’t ready and that it was nice chatting with him. He asked if I wanted to stay in contact and I said that we could chat now and then if he was for real.

I said good night and he told me to have a sweet dreams.

I am sick to my stomach. I think that was a scam in the works.

What do you think?

My girlfriend is going to get a kick out of this one. I am really looking forward to telling the story to her.

I am really uneasy still. My favorite line from him tonight was when he started calling me Babe. He told me that he was a Godfearing man. Lost his wife in a car accident and has a 15 year old son who lives in Florida. He also asked if I had a cam. That was another clue for me that it wasn’t right.

All I can say is WOW! What can anyone (I) believe these days?

I want to go to lala land now…God help me and let me settle down and go to sleep.

Billy and Shelly and the team are going to work out with me tomorrow in my living room. I have a big internet shopping day tomorrow. I need to look for window coverings and bedding for a job I am doing.

nighty night.

More than uncomfortable is what I am when I model for this place. I asked the woman at the front desk if they could please get a space heater for me. I explained to her how cold I am modeling there. She said she would ask. I hope they have one there next Wednesday because I was asked to model again.

“A beautiful neck. The most beautiful eyes. Thank you so much. This was my first experience and you are absolutely beautiful and a great model.”

A new student in this class this morning came up to the stage platform, where I was posing in a laying down position for the final pose of the day, and whispered in my ear those words.

She seems to be such a sweet woman. She is a new artist that has just finished the beginner class and is now in the advanced class. She is very good for just starting.

It was a small class today. I just wanted a blanket so I could curl up and get warm.

“Are you the model?” He asked. I answered back that I was and he pointed to the door at my left and told me to go in there.

I walked in through the door. It was another garage space that had tables of sorts, machinery of all sorts and shelving scattered here and there and hung on the walls with brackets so silver tin dome lighting could be clamped and placed where ever they wanted light around the modeling space.

At the back end of the garage space, which was big enough to house an over sized motor home, was a platform stage that had been carpeted. There was a space heater on the floor next to the stage. I was so thankful to see it there.

There ended up being 7 men and 2 women artists who showed up for the event. They each brought ALL of their own supplies including a portable easel if they use one.

There were several different shaped chairs, stools and benches in the space that could be used for my props.

During the three hour time span of posing I found myself wondering around the space with my eyes. I found an old overhead viewer and for some reason with it’s color scheme being a cream, yellow and orange it reminded me of Sesame Street and Big Bird. It gave a slight smile in my heart because I used to love Sesame Street. I tell my children that I watched that show until I was at least 13. Funny, huh? After finding Big Bird a song came on, I was so grateful for the music playing, it was a quirky fun song that must have been titled “The liquor dance.” I have know idea who the artists singing any of the music were although I liked what was played all night. It was very different. I am posing there on the stage, listening to this song and the image that poops into my head is a woman standing some where, any where in a space all by herself and a man shows up next to her. She is moving slightly dancing to the tune and rhythm of the music and the man, in a very extreme animated kind of way, is acting like he is licking her as he moves around in different directions about the woman. “The liquor dance”       The last item I notice, as I am glancing around the room while posing still, is against the back wall of the garage space. On the back wall is art that is hung in a collage type pattern. There are several different drawings and paintings in all sizes. An outlet, halfway up the wall to the right edge of the collage, has an orange extension cord plugged into it and then the cord is wrapped up and around itself to hold it up and off the floor in an attempt to make things look neat and tidy. The way it’s wrapped together looks like a duck to me. The eyes are the top outlets sockets and the lower is the duck’s beak where the cord is plugged in. My imagination is tickling me tonight and I am happy with what I am seeing. The time passed fairly quickly and soon it was over and time for me to go.

Before I left I was scheduled in for two more modeling dates. One in June and one in July. I also spoke to one of the artists about modeling for a renowned sculptor who lives in Phoenix. I’ve been referred to him before and I believe I sent pictures of myself, with clothes on, to him. The artist said he would put in a good word for me. I was told previously that the pay is much higher. I certainly hope that’s the case.

I chomped on cut up vegetables out of a zip lock plastic bag on my way home. I brushed my teeth, snuggled into bed, said my thanks to God for a beautiful day, prayed and drifted off to lala land without knowing it.

Just like that…it’s a new day. Off to the gym, home for a shower and another modeling job…